Another January, another chance to be resolute. Looking back on my hopeful scribbles from last year, in 2011 I intended to:

1) Write more trip reports | A gloriously unquantifiable resolution. I’ll just say I failed, mostly.

2) Not freak out if I miss out on trips | I actually worked hard on this one and have become much more comfortable spending weekends in the city or on lowland trails. Or maybe I just lost my sense of adventure.

3) Lose weight | I happily ignored this one until I came home from Utah in late October and saw video footage of myself. Gadzooks! I’m starting 2012 20 lbs lighter than 2011, so I would call this a success…but it obviously still needs work.

So to keep working on all of these resolutions, I plan to dust off my blog and post all our adventures, big and small. It’s ok if I only have crappy cell phone photos (see below) and it’s just a quick run in the Watershed or the Issaquah Alps. Anything goes.

Last Saturday was actually my first time out of the house in days; I had spent most of the week hibernating with a stubborn cold. Everything from the neck up was still stuffy and runny and generally charming, but my body and mind were getting restless. JK and I decided a short run on Cougar Mountain was in order to clear our sinuses.

It was my first real workout since our pre-Christmas xc ski to Tipsoo Lake, so it was shocking that my body even remembered how to move. JK’s body seemed to remember it a little bit better than mine (and he’s training for a trail race), so he ran the hills and doubled back to me for extra elevation gain while I slowly shuffled along, feeling like I was going to die. In a good way, though. Sort of.

I seem to have neglected you.

Well that’s a lie, as I have definitely not been neglecting the internet, but I have neglected this blog.

I only seem to post trip reports here these days, and lately not even that (this is related to my impressive procrastination skillz when it comes to processing photos). I’m having trouble deciding what to share on this blog, how personal to make it. My favorite bloggers share a lot of themselves and that’s what makes their writing interesting, at least to me…but then I get self-conscious, knowing that so many people from my non-interwebs life read this. You know, all the people who, unlike you, don’t live inside my computer.

On a totally unrelated note, I’ve been thinking a lot about Everest lately, namely trekking to Everest Base Camp. I’ve wanted to do this ever since I read Into Thin Air (though I realize that any sane person would be motivated to stay as far away from Everest as possible after reading that book) back in ’07, but I assumed it would never happen since JK shows no interest in spending his hard-earned vacation time freezing, hypoxic, and riddled with food poisoning. Then it occurred to me, why not just go on my own? Join a guided tour and meet some like-minded mountain lovers while sharing a bowl of dal bhat by the cozy heat of burning yak dung?

I’m turning 30* next year, so methinks it’s time for one last hurrah before I qualify for Medicare.

*holy crap!

Whenever I feel down in the dumps (which has been much too often lately), I give in to my introverted marmot tendencies and retreat into a depressing hibernation mode. I eschew all social activities, preferring instead to mope around alone (well, often accompanied by chocolate), feeling sorry for myself.

This has led to many a missed adventure, especially this summer. Fortunately my friends are patient, forgiving, and incredibly kind. And, magically, they are able to turn a somewhat mundane hike along I90 into one of the best afternoons I have had in a long time.

Thanks, friends, for not letting me sink.

In light of everything that’s happened lately, I’ve been reevaluating my life and my priorities.

I moved here in 2006, severely depressed. In 2007 I discovered hiking, and it sparked a new interest in, well, living.

Since then, my life has pretty much revolved around being outside in the mountains. I spend the whole year planning for the summer. I spend the whole week waiting for the weekend.

The problem with this is that I am devastated when those plans don’t work out.

When it’s raining, I spend the day stewing over lost hiking opportunities instead of going into Seattle to spend time with long-neglected friends.

When I’m injured, I obsess about missing out on the more challenging trips on my To-Do List instead of fully enjoying the easier, gimp-safe trail I’m on.

I want to truly enjoy my life and be here now without constantly wondering if there’s something better out there that I could be doing.

I want to make my everyday life feel fulfilling even though I am still not allowed to get a job or an education in this country. *mumble grumble*

I want to find the motivation for midweek endorphin boosts that don’t require a drive to the mountains.

I want a home (and a life) that’s inviting enough that I don’t feel like I have to get away from it every weekend.

I want a balanced life, both in and outside of the mountains.

I want to find smiles like these every day.

I’ve always maintained that the sunny days in Washington more than make up for the long days of drizzle, but this year has been rough. Really rough. I’ve tried to stay positive and run outside for a dose of vitamin D every time the sun deigns to reveal itself, but months and months and months and months of cold, wet, shitty weather have finally worn me down.

For someone who struggles with depression and whose only* source of sustained joy is to be active in the outdoors, this has been a miserable year. Last week it seemed like summer (make that “spring”) had finally arrived, so when the freezing wetness returned (and is forecast to hang around until the end of July), I just broke down and haven’t moved from the couch in almost two days. My blind love affair with the Evergreen State is officially over.

Unfortunately, my attempts at convincing JK that we need to move to California have been fruitless. He loves his job. That’s not something you can let go of in the current economic climate, so I guess we’ll be staying here in the Pacific Northwest climate.

Adding insult to injury, the chilly weather has put our snow melt at least a month behind schedule. Sick of postholing, soggy shoes and rotten snow bridges, last weekend (before the sun defected) I was desperate for a trail, any trail, that was snow-free. JK and I decided on Goat Lake, a typical early season (as in May, not July) hike.

I had really low expectations of this hike, so I was surprised to find a beautiful river trail ending at a big, green, inviting alpine lake. I couldn’t resist the clear water and jumped in for a swim, followed by JK and Wellie.

Aah, we were so naïve, thinking our alpine swimming meant that summer had arrived. Wellie even ate watermelon to celebrate the changing of the seasons.

Hopefully the sun will come back, more lakes will melt, and this won’t be the only summery trip report I write this year. In the meantime I’ll try to roll off the couch and motivate myself to make the best of what I’ve got. The honeymoon period may be over, but apparently Washington and I are in it for the long term.

*ok, so JK counts too, but he doesn’t get to be on the list since he’s standing in the way of my relocation plans.